ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
