once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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