All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
