she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
