Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
