Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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