You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
