Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
