I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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