Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
