well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
