Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the liver wants what the liver wants
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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