shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
