I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
