It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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