Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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