you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
