I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
