one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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