love makes seman taste better
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
be right there i have to get my cape
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
