I wish you could order shots online.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
