Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
