your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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