dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
