You don't have asthma, your pregnant
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you didnt know i had herpes?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
