when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
