Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize