DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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