Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
