Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
