an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
