her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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