The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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