can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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