You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
