I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When are your genitals available?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
