I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
