im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
