You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
