yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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