I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
