I wish my penis had an off switch
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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