why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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