did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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