I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
