on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
