he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
