every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
