Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
