my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
