Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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