we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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