I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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