I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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