JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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