after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want nice things and good sex
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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