...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
