The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
