I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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