Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize