Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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