Sorry, I don't speak sober.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
