I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
