I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
